The Internet is Awesome!

This is just great!

Lame Stream Media swindlers The Onion think they know a thing or two about HOW TO RUN A GOVERNMENT. Well, I'd like to see them try. No doubt, I got a chuckle when they tore that hippie Zahorik a new one. But then they did the unthinkable. Or, in the case of the lame streamers, the totally predictable: they picked on the Duer. Those stupid communist nazis hate the Duer. But no, patriots, don't cry for Kyle. He can take it. Afterall, it's not him that they are truly afraid of. It's you. All of you. Because you are ready to take back our country. Take it back from that black guy and give it back to a white guy.

And so, to spite The Onion, The Duer and I will be travel-blogging next week on our SA-funded trip to New York City. While there, we will express our anger a la Zahorik by re-claiming the civil rights movement. You might think we are just protesting the site of the "Ground Zero Mosque," but you would be wrong, Patriots.

No, no, no. Not because I believe in freedom of religion.
Puh-lease!
There is only one prophet for me, and he profits from gold endorsements!

No, friends, I am plagued by a burning question: Why there?

Why there?

Why there?

Why there?

And so this trip is more of a pilgrimage than anything else. Yes, a holy pilgrimage. The Duer and I will find out why an abandoned Burlington Coat Factory, that holiest of holy places, was chosen as the site for a new building. Because I don't know. I don't know "why there." Don't get me wrong, I support their right to build there, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Or understand it.

But here's what I'm really thinking, Patriots. If enough of us gather at the Burlington Coat Factory, on the anniversary of their last Labor Day weekend sale, at the exact same location, we can re-claim the entire coat factory movement. Afterall, we wear coats. New Yorkers don't "own" the coat movement or Burlington Coat Factory.

And maybe, just maybe, the Duer and I can use our combined powers to convince the Mosque builders to abandon their plans for building there. Even if they just moved it a few blocks away, we could return to Milwaukee and breath a sigh of relief.

Three Legends Unretire; One to Retire

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, Patriots.

I've been yachting in the pristine waters of the Gulf of Mexico, where I have been busy removing Obama's boot from the throat of BP.

I should never have abandoned you to the Lame Stream Media. I apologize.

I am back, and I am ready to cut through the unfair and the unbalanced and deliver the straight jive.

First things first, we need to bid farewell to a white legend. American white hero Dr. Laura Schlessinger will be leaving her white radio show at the end of the year. And all over something as minor as using racial epithets and advising African-Americans not to marry outside of their race. She was just trying to make a white philosophical point.

Future white Prez Palin has it right. She advises Dr. S to "re-load!"
Whenever someone questions your dedication to racial equality, RE-LOAD.

Thanks, Sarah, your input is always welcome around here, but I think the Doc could learn a lesson or two from our own Kyle Duerstein. The Duer didn't resign any of his posts, even when people found out that he thinks black people should be slaves. So, what I'm saying is Dr. Laura Schlessinger, don't bow down to this obvious case of racism in reverse! Just because you are white doesn't mean you should have to give up your radio show! Imus, Duer, and Shlessinger Unite! FTW!

Jeez, all this talk about race makes me want to go rent some Mel Gibson movies.

Which brings us to our unretirement parties:



First and foremost, of course, is Chancellor Carlos Santiago. After six years of not being seen around UWM, Santiago has un-retired, only to sign with another team!!

To the Chancellor, I say this: I don't care of you play or don't play, but make up your mind. This back and forth stuff is so immature. I admit, Santiago is one my favorite Chancellors in the whole league, and it pains me to think he will be pepper spraying the faces of non-UWM students. Lebron in Miami? Santiago in D.C.? WTF? The game ain't what it used to be.

Second, we have that one guy who is a turncoat on account of our team trading him to a different one. Good luck, Brent. Thanks for kicking our ass last year, Brent. You look nice in purple, Brent.

Third, but not last in importance: oh hellz yeah, THE DUER IS BACK. And for all you naysayers who said, "He's too old" and "He doesn't have it in him anymore" and "Certainly he can graduate in seven years," I say this: YOU ARE ALL WRONG WRONG WRONGLIDDY WRONG.



He's back and better than ever. The "Kyle's a racist" movement has died out (great dedication, hippies!), and PTL is back and better than ever. And this time there's a twist. The Duer is taking on the SA. That's right, the Duer is playing the role of Obi Wan in this one. When he left the SA was the apprentice. Now the SA is the master! Only a master of evil!

Who better to critique the Student Association's by-laws, than the former Speaker who so excelled at writing and exploiting them? Who better to think quorum should be higher than the guy who sat in tiny decision-making bodies for so many years?

The Duer doesn't need my advice. The Duer knows how to handle himself.
But to new hippie President Romero Boeck (obviously no relation to Glenn), I do say this: even if you put up good numbers, you'll never fill the shoes of the Duer. The Duer's record for consecutive SA meetings will never be broken. The crowd may cheer you on, and they may boo the Duer when he returns to the UWM union, only to beat you in your own stadium. But deep down, they'll always know that the Duer is one of the all-time greats. And when he finally does graduate, UWM will be talking about him for years. YEARS.

Kyle's pen graduates as part of Class of '10?

The SA election results are in, and it's worse than we'd feared.

I searched far and wide, but I couldn't find The Duer's name anywhere. Does this mean that he has finally hung up his pen? That his only weapon against socialist tyranny will be the blogosphere?

Capitalism is under attack, and we need The Duer more now than at any other time in the last seven years.

Kyle, if you're just waiting for an invitation, consider it issued.

If you're just waiting for your legions of fans to chant "Kie - ull! Kie - ull!" before you come back on for your third encore, consider the chant underway!!

Kyle, you are being drafted.
The free market needs you.

Grab Old Glory.

And don't forget that pen.

Jay Burseth Grew a Testicle?

You've got to see this! The headline of that article reads "BREAKING NEWS: Student government elections cancelled" when it should really "Jay Burseth Finally Grew a Testicle."

I'm not in the habit of reading news articles, but I think assumptions are just as good as reading. Since Jay Burseth is the president of the Student Association, he must have finally figured out how things round around the SA and cancelled the election in an effort to maintain control.

Master stroke Burseth.

I never thought Jay had it in him to manhandle the student body like it so deserves. Apparently Kyle Duerstein's persistance has paid off and Jay finally sees the light. The few liberals remaining in the govt. might organize a drum circle to protest Burseth's pragmatic move, but they will ultimately tire, realizing they have little rhythm and a lot of papers to finish.

Congratulations Burseth. You are now entitled to at least two more years of an undergraduate career, which previously could have been cut drastically short by graduation.

There is a god

Sure, you already knew that, but I can prove it. I'm typing naked at my laptop in a full sweat. I was just about to check out some sweet Jeff Dunham clips because we basically have the same sense of humor, when I got a head rush and blacked out.

All I know is that when I came to I was sprawled out on the floor, my chair tipped over, and I seem to have eaten all of my butterscotch candies sitting next to my computer desk. That's when I noticed a new post on PTJ. If you haven't read it yet, scroll down and see what just happened.

I will be your vessel (or vassal) any time Kyle. I am proud to serve.

Heidrich possessed!

BATMAN.

Like Batman answering the bat signal, all you have to do is call on The Duer to take our country back, and he's on the case, with lightning speed!

Controversial voice vote at March 9 SA Senate meeting from The UWM Post on Vimeo.

Done, done, and done. The country is safely back in our hands! Whoo hoo!

Steaming pile of crap.

We're saved! The Duer is back in ACTION!

Morons beware, The Duer knows a "steaming pile of crap" when he sees one!

Wait a minute...

Nevermind. This is some kind of forgery. I thought I was reading some straight up panther talk live. It sounds like The Duer. It looks like The Duer. But The Duer would never give his name to some elitist liberal media commies like ABC.

And no way The Duer would say "It's nice that they hold a rally protesting against higher tuition. I agree with them, the cost of tuition is rising at a rate that is nearly out of control." This article was probably planted by the SDS or the ACLU or the College Dems. They had me going for a minute. Sneaky morons.

This is defamation!!

The PTJ legal team will be looking into this immediately.

Somebody call The Duer. It's time to take back our country.

Patriots-

You know I like to stick to commentary and opinion.
Unfortunately, with all these hippies everywhere ruining my day, I think I need to set the record straight.

This is a SNOWBALL:



A few of these lobbed around the old UWM campus is good, clean, Wisconsin fun. Even for no-goodniks like the SDS. No one is denying that. The problem, as outlined so clearly by Chancellor Santiago and Vice Chancelor Luljak, is that students were throwing ice chunks at the police.

This is an ICE CHUNK:



As you can see, this has nothing to do with tuition or free speech.

Don't believe the hype.

Goddard Remschel






P.S. -

it's time to take back OUR country. REVOLUTION EDITION.

PTJ Patriots!

It's official. The Socialists have taken over OUR country. Pretty soon everyone will have teeth. This aggression will not stand!

We don't have time to wait and "vote" in the next "election." We don't need more "conventions" or "summits" or "filibusters" or "super minorities." The tyranny of the super majority now has a new name, "the tyranny of the simple majority." But we must not be fooled.

THEY WANT us to think Washington is at a standstill. THEY LOOVVE IT.

Call up your friends. There's no time to waste. It's time for the REVOLUTION!



QUICK! CLICK ON THIS LINK!!

THERE'S NOT A MOMENT TO LOSE! TWO IF BY LAND! ONE IF YOU PASS GO!

Benny: A Man of Success

While I don't usually break down my spirituality on PTJ (it's reserved for a 50 minute window on Sunday mornings with a ten minute bathroom break during the sermon), I thought I'd share my main main Benny Hinn with you.

God has rewarded him through a series of miracles with some modest property for all of his good works. How did he get in so good with god? In the best use of Drowning Pool since Operation Iraqi Freedom, this video show Pastor Benny kickin' some devil ass or gettin' the gay outta these people or something. Check it out:

So much to cover

Well I thought bringing my cousin Goddard on board would help fill the hot, sweaty, gaping PTJ void in all your lives, but it doesn’t seem like he’s up to the task yet. He’s let a few things slip by and I think we’d better address them ASAP.

Last week Nathan Johnson rambled on about nationalism being a bad thing. As usual we get common sense in the comment of one Johanan Raatz. Johanan points out the harmlessness, fun, and joy of nationalism, saying it’s “simply community spirit. It’s just rooting for the home team, the same way you would root for the Brewers over the Red Sox…” Ted Williams, a great American, didn’t just root for his home teams (the Red Sox and America), he actively participated. Williams’ career took a 7th inning stretch of sorts when he decided to spend his time bombing Koreans in the Korean War. Apparently the Koreans were paying more than the Sox then and we all know Ted was a big proponent of the free market (who knew they even had an Air Force then?). Sometimes things get a little heated in international affairs and baseball and “teams” have to go to war in extra innings. So remember Nathan, you idiot, nationalism is just like baseball, except the foul balls explode and the fans are “collateral damage.”

Now it’s time we turn to the future of the Republican Party. Conservative leaders have put together the Mount Vernon Statement, which, without reading, I’m sure I agree with. Unfortunately, some asshole (I’m looking at you SDS) signed “Adolph Hitler” as the first name. These antics have caused leaders to bar anyone from signing the digital document. The Christian Science Monitor’s Tracey D. Samuelson at least gets the feeling right when she says, “one hopes that in 1789, when anonymity was a little harder to come by in a live constitutional assembly, Americans were more polite to one another – or at least, more respectful.”

I too yearn for the days of old when white men could decide what’s good for this country, go home to put their wives in line, and make sure the slaves worked well past sun down. Ahhh yes, the good ‘ole days. I think the Mount Vernon Statement should stand for exactly what the real estate did for its original owner, George Washington. Like Washington put off emancipating his slaves until his death, let us, the conservative moement, put off any kind of responsibility for the economic situation. Hey, I didn’t vote for George W. Bush’s massive deficits and if Republican politicians say they didn’t either, who am I to question them? We need to push forward, renewing President Bush’s money-saving tax cuts to help everyone in America.

Next, we need to oppose Democrats’ efforts to reform Wall Street, if anyone is going to get us out of this economic mess, it’s going to be Wall Street and only with massive deregulation. Glass Steagall what? Now I know what you’re thinking so just hear me out, I’m just as pissed at Wall Street as you are my teabaggin’ friend. If we simultaneously call for Republicans to oppose President Obama’s socialist agenda (regulating Wall Street and the healthcare industry) and advocate for reform on these specific points because we have been personally affected, we might just confuse the Democrats enough to cause their defeat! Really, how can they respond to us if we say we want healthcare from companies whose huge profits we care about more than affordable health coverage, yet Congress must make coverage affordable (reform), but we also want the government completely out of their lives? (oh, but don’t touch the military you fuckin’ hippies…I want them all up in my life). By the time they’ve figured out we’re just making a lot of noise because Glenn Beck told us to, it’ll be time for the 2010 elections and Democratic supporters will be too afraid to leave home.

Alright, I think we have a plan, but in the case that I can't pick up Goddard's slack, I'd like to say that I've saved the best news for last:

PANTHER TALK LIVE IS BACK
Ok, so I'm a bit suspicious because the first post in months appears to be poetry of some sort. After Kyle had to apologize for speaking his mind about black people or something, it seems he may not have withstood the liberal onslaught, his heart, encased in steel may have been cracked open, creating a true bleeding heart. His next post offered to have a discussion!!!! This isn't the Kyle I know! The old Kyle would just tell people what to think and then berate anyone that might be in opposition to him.

If you're still in their old Kyle, I want you to show me a sign and when I see that sign it will open my eyes. Yeah, I know life is demanding without understanding and you've told me time and time again that "no one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong," but where do you belong Kyle!?

Heidrich Out!

CRAP!

Stupid google image doesn't even know who "Packers quarterback" is!
Richard even warned me about that.

Here is the quarterback of Green Bay American football club.



A Rodge says fight the power.

Achilles' Heel.

Big surprise. He did it again.
Self-destructed in the final moments of the game, just when his team needed him the most. Just when you thought he had changed his game, he exposed his Achilles' Heel.

They were one touchdown away from being one game away from being one game away from being one victory away from being the champions of American football...but he fumbled the ball to the other team for a winning touchdown. I know the excuses. It was an illegal hit. The offensive line had been terrible all game. The whole team shared the loss. But we all know the ball was in his hands with the game on the line, and he blew it.

We could spend another long off-season second-guessing what could have been, hoping for another chance next year, and generally not being happy for the successes we've had. Instead, I offer all my fellow Cheeseheads this Packers Quiz, as a tribute to a better than average season. Test your fandom! Test your wits!

#1: You attended a Packers game this year.

Y N (Circle one)

#2: You attended a Packers game this year, and the tickets were provided by someone who works for UWM.

Y N (Circle one)

#3: You attended a Packers game this year, the tickets were provided by someone who works for UWM, and you are a UWM Student Association senator.

Y N (Circle one)

#4: You attended a Packers game, tickets were provided by a UWM employee, you are an SA senator, and you voted to give student funds to the department for which said employee works.

Y N (Circle one)


If you answered 'Y' to all four questions, you are a super fan! If you voted 'N' don't worry; you can use the off-season to rest and re-tool and get ready for next season's SFC funding! Whoo Hoo! Sunday night par-tay!

"Quality and price are directly related."

Howdy, y'all. Richard invited me to help maintain his blog for a while, so here's my first post.

I know you haven't warmed up to me yet, so I better start with a tribute. As I'm sure y'all know, Speaker Kyle Duerstein has come out against lowering tuition. And rightly so! Those moon bat Marxists want education to be "awesome and affordable," but K Dog knows that you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

"Quality and price are directly related," quoth the Duer, and I agree. So here are just a few of my favorite quality things...


$175 mill. And worth every damn penny!

$68 mill. --- the best 3rd string QB money can buy!

$7.5 mill and stronger than an iceberg!

It's not right for the President to be losing credibility with the Regents. Their opinion of the UWM President must be maintained at all costs. "We've...got to be realistic about what we're dealing with." And that is ending a sentence with a preposition. But seriously, y'all, I know you got my back when I endorse the Duer's campaign to keep tuition hikes in place.

Cuz here's the thing: I know Che Burseth likes to TALK about tuition. But K Dog WALKS THE WALK. He's not just saying that tuition is fairly priced. He's paying it, for like the 7th year in a row. So shut up, Moon Bats!

I gotta go watch some youtube clips of Sarah Palin's Tea Bag Convention speech ($100K = quality!!!).

Long live the Duer!

Goddard Remschel

You've Let Me Down PTJ Patriots

Despite all of your adulation over the past year, when I really needed you, you let me down. I've spent the months since my last post in October seeking a new purpose in life. My main man Kyle D. shut his blog down after criticism about something he posted when he had one too many sips of the "honesty tonic" at Buckhead's. I tried reading Johanan Raatz, but it just wasn't the same. Raatz used words I needed to look up and didn't have that same warm gritty "I'm gonna tell ya 'bout my cuntry" feeling I got from the old Panther Talk Live.

I had buried Panther Talk Live in my backyard next to my old dog Whiskey, but it seems the ghost of UWM-past is revisiting us. Today I just found Kyle has found a new home with WISN 12. Kyle's recent post, eloquently titled "UW Students on crack?", gave me that old fuzzy feeling. Kyle is taking on the issue of $100 a class. Kyle noted: "My first reaction was that these people are idiots, and don't live in the real world." Kyle's right, in even moderate fantasy lands students pay just over $3,000 to go to school. Note that these fantasy lands would have a massive GDP, incomparable to say...Maryland. Their professors are all about teaching and they don't have to deal with Chancellor Santiago. In this crazy $100 a class world Russel Scott could be a student forever. Jay Burseth must be smokin' something.

But this is all beside the point. As much as I've been itchin' for a fix since Kyle deserted the internet, I don't think I can go back to my old habits. All I can offer you is this: my cousin, Goddard Remschel. Obviously our family has deep and not so deep roots to the Fatherland so watch out. I'm going to let Goddard introduce himself. Maybe I'll pop back in once in a while or maybe I'll leave in a montage of American flags, sunsets, and soaring eagles. Fuck it, maybe both.

PTJ Lives!