I've been yachting in the pristine waters of the Gulf of Mexico, where I have been busy removing Obama's boot from the throat of BP.
I should never have abandoned you to the Lame Stream Media. I apologize.
I am back, and I am ready to cut through the unfair and the unbalanced and deliver the straight jive.
First things first, we need to bid farewell to a white legend. American white hero Dr. Laura Schlessinger will be leaving her white radio show at the end of the year. And all over something as minor as using racial epithets and advising African-Americans not to marry outside of their race. She was just trying to make a white philosophical point.
Future white Prez Palin has it right. She advises Dr. S to "re-load!"
Whenever someone questions your dedication to racial equality, RE-LOAD.
Thanks, Sarah, your input is always welcome around here, but I think the Doc could learn a lesson or two from our own Kyle Duerstein. The Duer didn't resign any of his posts, even when people found out that he thinks black people should be slaves. So, what I'm saying is Dr. Laura Schlessinger, don't bow down to this obvious case of racism in reverse! Just because you are white doesn't mean you should have to give up your radio show! Imus, Duer, and Shlessinger Unite! FTW!
Jeez, all this talk about race makes me want to go rent some Mel Gibson movies.
Which brings us to our unretirement parties:
First and foremost, of course, is Chancellor Carlos Santiago. After six years of not being seen around UWM, Santiago has un-retired, only to sign with another team!!
To the Chancellor, I say this: I don't care of you play or don't play, but make up your mind. This back and forth stuff is so immature. I admit, Santiago is one my favorite Chancellors in the whole league, and it pains me to think he will be pepper spraying the faces of non-UWM students. Lebron in Miami? Santiago in D.C.? WTF? The game ain't what it used to be.
Second, we have that one guy who is a turncoat on account of our team trading him to a different one. Good luck, Brent. Thanks for kicking our ass last year, Brent. You look nice in purple, Brent.
Third, but not last in importance: oh hellz yeah, THE DUER IS BACK. And for all you naysayers who said, "He's too old" and "He doesn't have it in him anymore" and "Certainly he can graduate in seven years," I say this: YOU ARE ALL WRONG WRONG WRONGLIDDY WRONG.
He's back and better than ever. The "Kyle's a racist" movement has died out (great dedication, hippies!), and PTL is back and better than ever. And this time there's a twist. The Duer is taking on the SA. That's right, the Duer is playing the role of Obi Wan in this one. When he left the SA was the apprentice. Now the SA is the master! Only a master of evil!
Who better to critique the Student Association's by-laws, than the former Speaker who so excelled at writing and exploiting them? Who better to think quorum should be higher than the guy who sat in tiny decision-making bodies for so many years?
The Duer doesn't need my advice. The Duer knows how to handle himself.
But to new hippie President Romero Boeck (obviously no relation to Glenn), I do say this: even if you put up good numbers, you'll never fill the shoes of the Duer. The Duer's record for consecutive SA meetings will never be broken. The crowd may cheer you on, and they may boo the Duer when he returns to the UWM union, only to beat you in your own stadium. But deep down, they'll always know that the Duer is one of the all-time greats. And when he finally does graduate, UWM will be talking about him for years. YEARS.
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