Is it True?

Few people (such as this great man) know my pain.

On March 26th, at 8:14AM Mr. Joseph P. Ohler made the following statement on a facebook group wall:

After encountering difficulty making time off from my job and homework to get nomination signatures, Johanan and I agreed to not try to get anymore and will hence not be running for Student Association President and Vice President. I'll let Johanan speak or himself, but any candidate who wants to negotiate an endorsement and/or campaign help from me can send me a message.

Where we go from here is unclear.

My life has been shattered, torn, cut to pieces, torched like hippies would an American flag. How could something so catastrophic happen? I'll be in the corner of my room, curled up in a ball and sobbing if you need me.

RH Depressed.

Gay Liberal Hollywood Elites Finally Apologize

Nothing irks me more than gay people getting married...unless they're gay commies getting married. The thought of that just makes my palms sweaty. I am glad that some of gay people have used their celebrity to apologize for their ways. I don't find Ms. de Rossi's apology funny, but then again I haven't laughed since I was 12 years old. I hope to see other notable gays' apologies in the coming days (I'm looking at you Barney Frank).

Damn Activist Legislators

Can you believe these Vermont activist legislators? Who do they think they are? Marriage is between a man and a woman. The idea of one man sensually stroking another man's soft penis, making it rigid, until ejaculation weirds me out man! And the whole butt sex thing! Don't even get me started.

Some people say homosexuality is in nature, even have whole exhibits on the shit, but I think our photoshop skills have progressed too far.



RH Out!

Tyler Draheim Makes His Move

It appears as though President Draheim has made his move. He finally laid down the law, banning everyone in his administration from the SA office.

How will this play out? I'm guessing President Draheim's bold move will end up saving the SA on their electricity bill, a move few other fiscal conservatives would have thought up. That's what I like to see in this administration. Thinking outside the box.

On the other hand, SHAC has been up to their old devious ways. It seems as though those assholes have taken over the SA! Draheim, Bahr, Kristopeit, Grover, Duerstein, UNITE! Only you can save the empire from the evils of SHAC (Students Hating All Coolness)! Bring your light sabers, massive pens, and legislative abilities. They will all be needed. Call on Sith Lord Rueden if need be, but keep it under wraps.

RH Out!

P.S. Apparently this Panther forced herself (come on, he's not gay) on President Draheim. I hope he got his too!

Spring Break!!!!!

It's been a little while since I've given you any straight jive, but that's because I've been on Spring Break. For me it's the craziest time of year. I usually go to Florida or South Padre and look at all the ladies, but this year I headed to Mexico.

That State Department terrified me at first, but then I realized I'm invincible. Mexico's never seen the likes of "Big Dick" Heidrich before, but I showed 'em what I'm all about. Mexico is a dude's paradise. People actually want to give you blowjobs for $10!!!! Can you believe that? Usually me and my bros gotta coerce some ladies into these things, but not in good ole Mexico!

Besides all the good cheap lovin' I've been catching up on the latest James Frey book and contemplating a DMB/Phish tour...could it ever happen? Maybe...if the shrooms aline.

Anyway, I'm leaving Mexico soon. I'm not too sure what Mexicans do, but it seems like they're kind of poor. I guess they just don't work hard enough because if they worked really hard they'd all be CEOs by now, especially Mexican women.

Anyway, when I get back I'm going to WalMart to help support the American economy in this financial crisis. I think you'd all better do your part and hit America's biggest clothing chains to help the American textile industry stay afloat.

RH Out!

"Joseph P. Ohler and Johanan Raatz Reporting for Duty Sir"

Those are the words I imagine I would have heard if I were Joe Ohler and Johanan Raatz's commanding officer in the UWM Army Corps of Government. It seems Ohler and Raatz are as great of citizens as I believed and are now collecting signatures for the Presidency/Vice Presidency of the Student Association.

I have to admit a little disappointment that Ohler didn't go it alone as I had hoped, but hey, at least he'll have a hippie-confusing ally in Raatz. With the elimination of parties in the student government, the legions of Ohlerites will have to run on their own, but don't worry, I'm sure there will be plenty of direction (see UWM Post Editorial Section only if it has the name "Raatz" involved). If Johanan Raatz's editorials are any hint of what we'll see in the 2009-2012* term of Ohler/Raatz, then in no time we'll see:

- Faith based leadership
- Elimination of VOX for their hippy opposition
- Straight Jive that we can all appreciate

In addition, some of the initiatives future President Ohler is pushing:
- Free food!
- Everyone has to "Friend Request" Joe Ohler on Facebook or risk suspension
- Bylaw amendment to UPB elminating that pesky "cohabitation" clause (you're welcome Russell Scott)

If that little list doesn't get you all riled up for this coming election season, I don't know what will.

RH Out!

* Note the three year administration which insiders say will be Team Ohler/Raatz's first executive decision to bring much needed stability to the student government.

My Mentor

I just thought introduce everyone to my mentor and the future of the Republican party:



Even a 13 year old can do it!

You Know What I Hate? Pt. 1

You know what I hate? Earmarks. They make me cuss like a sailor in Saginaw. This new omnibus is loaded full of Democratic earmarks everywhere. My good friend Michelle Malkin highlighted some of this disgusting waste:

$200,000 for Tattoo Removal Violence Prevention Outreach Program
$473,000 for the National Council of La Raza
$657,000 for Brown Tree Snakes in Guam
$5.8 million for the Ted Kennedy Institute for the Senate

Can you believe this!? This adds up to like...$7 million! This could pay for like 5 seconds of the War in Iraq. Thanks a lot Democrats, now we're going to lose because of your god damn greedy money grubbing grubbiness. What do the Democrats have doing giving Guam any money? Guam should be taking care of itself as a soveriegn nation making whatever Guamies make (widgets)?

National Council of La Raza? I'm only for this if it's to build a wall around their offices. Damn I love walls. I'd build a damn wall around my heart if I could. I hear the Israelis got a great one and I'm hoping we can build one around San Francisco. Don't get me started on San Francisco!

Now my friend Michelle Malkin was on the news discussing a key point that founding father Thomas Jefferson made. Jefferson said this:

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who do not."

Like Michelle says, we need to get back to these principles. What did Thomas Jefferson ever take from those who were willing to work? The Republicans are supposed to be leading us out of this mess, but are in bed with the Democrats when it comes to thinking people should be able to keep their homes. I guess the Republicans' love for Jefferson's principles extends to their love for his lovin' of the local ladies...well, the ones he owned. Whatever. What I'm saying is that Republicans are great and they're going to lead us out of this Democratic mess we've been mired in ever since Obama took office.

So this is a call to y'all to get hatin' earmarks like me.

RH Out!

Men at Work

I don't think people give the student government enough credit for all of the work they do on a daily basis. The Senate Appropriations Committee hears countless grant proposals every other week. The liberal commie rag, UWM Post recently took notice of this fact. The picture on the left shows my man KD exercising his right as a SAC committee member and exercising that giant right hand with an equally giant pen. You know what they say about men with giant pens, don't you?

If you in fact know what they say about men with giant pens, please send us an email at panthertalkjive@gmail.com so myself and all of the PTJ fans out there can find out.

Don't read the rest of that article because it's probably filled with Post-hatred for the current student govt., but at least they showed that SAC is doing their job rejecting the liberal agenda on campus (Students for a Democratic Society and Milwaukee Baseball) from getting their hippie grants.

More straight jive later!

RH Out!