Google Bastards

I was duped by Google Image Search into posting a photo of Fidel Castro just a few minutes ago. Here's the real Johanan Raatz.

Draft Joseph P. Ohler/Johanan Raatz

Enough! After thinking about all of the things that have happened this past year, we need radical change. I'm sick of this centrist government always appeasing the liberals on campus. We need fast action and tons of meaningful legislation. That's why I am drafting Joseph P. Ohler Jr. for President. Last year he showed us he could take tough stands , but (no disrespect Grove Stove) Rob Grover decided to cave the liberal hippie agenda for whatever reason and veto Joe's legislation. Joe's a thrifty guy. I certainly want a President who checks vending machine change slots and doesn't shower that often.

If we're drafting a President, shouldn't we draft a Vice President? Personally, I think Joe embodies the ideal President/VP so why not collect two salaries? Others think that's "politically insane" and "asinine," but they're also idiots.

If Joe has to run with someone, I'm informed that Johanan Raatz would be an amazing veep. I don't know Mr. Raatz so I did a google search of him. Below is a photo of him, presumably. It's the first one that appears when doing a google image search.

Now if Joe and Johanan get into those dreaded campaign debates, Joe can pull out his secret weapon. Although I'm divulging future campaign secrets, there's really nothing anyone can do about this one. Johanan will just begin to talk to the opposition about philosophy, ideology, and whatever else he has been reading about in his racecar bed at home. If that won't shut 'em down, nothing will!

What a Week!

Tommy "poopy pants" Hughes finally resigned. About time! I can't believe I worshipped him last year during the election (sorry folks, only evidence is in my diary, otherwise I'd like to a post).

Now let's all remember that Kristi Anderson is amazing. I saw her photo for the first time in the UWM Post and knew she was qualified! God, I hope she runs for office again. Seriously, God? You hear that? Ok, just checkin.

My main man Bobby Grover is still on his inevitable track to IEC-stardom, keep it up Grove Stove.

Boy am I glad the Post has comments enabled. I wasn't sure about former student Bryce Muenchow's sexual orientation, but he reassured everyone that he fucked the bejeezus out of a couple of former SHAC directors. Go Bryce! I mean, SHAC directors!? I'm still tryin my ways with some ladies on the LGBT Center subcommittee. I think they'll give in soon enough. I could only dream about SHAC directors. Again, you're the man Bryce, don't let any anonymous UWMPost commenter tell you any different!

Let's get to the meaty heart of what happened at Sunday's Senate meeting. The liberal commie hippy agenda freaks (Katie Jesse, Jon Weimer) presented some bullshit legislation to stop people from being in the legislative branch and the executive branch at the same time! I know!!! What are they thinking? Is this the fucking U.S. Federal government (Don't even get me started on those bleeding hearts)? Last I checked, this is the student government where we can be in as many branches of government as we want! Hell, I think we need another one and I don't think I'm alone (Kristopee* help me out on this one). The liberal freaks kept talking about people being influenced because they'd be working for a President and in the Senate. When has that ever happened?

In other news Dan Carpenter was approved to the Senate.

Well, that's it for now Jive lovers. I gots to get me some sleep. This baloney tires me out!

RH Out!

*Ask Tyler Kristopeit how he got this nickname (hint: It involved many a fine lady and what Tyler refers to as his "no no touch").

PTJ Feedback

Reaction to my blog has been amazing! Thanks all you PTJ fans out there! I just wanted to share some excerpts from the emails I've received:

"You nailed it right on the head! Tommy really is a smelly idiot head" - Tommy Hughes' dad

"I'm glad we could finally get some hard hitting straight jive on the student government from someone who knows their straight jive" - Julio Guerrero, ASAP loser

"This student government needs some hippie bongo drumming, meet me at the beach at midnight on a full moon!" - Carlo Albano, hippie

"I'm concerned about this straight jive, I may have to rewrite some bylaws to stop this" - Tyler Draheim, President

"I am utterly confused by the student government's lack of transparency, separation of powers, and basic respect for democracy" - Dan Lungar, Student (probably hippie)

RH Out!

Tommy Hughes is a Smelly Liar

That's right. Tommy Hughes is a smelly liar. Why? Because he had the gall to think the honorable Robert Ennis Chamberlain Grover* was not capable of being a good independent election commissioner (IEC).










For those of you who don't know, Tommy "I Smell Like Scot Detman's Smelly Farts" Hughes is on the left. Then you have Mr. Draheim, his impartialness Dan Bahr, and Rob "Soon to be IEC bitches!" Grover.

Luckily, the UWM Post (Liberal Commie Rag) has informed us that the Senate is just a body to be sidestepped in the process. All they do is recommend to the President who he wants to run the election and in what way. That way, all current members of the winning party in the student government will get a fair shake. It's as simple as that you smelly fucking hippies.
By the way, what's up with Helen Smarmachev? I think I need to defer to Herr Duerstein on this one. Take it away bro:

A world of difference between two campuses an hour down the road from each
other. I guess it pays to have the right people in the right positions in
administration. UW-Milwaukee has a change to make. Either that or Mamarchev
could stand to change her bitchy demeanor and shitty anti-student practices.
I hear there aren't any signs of hell freezing over, despite cold surface
conditions, and even colder relations between students and the Division of
Student Affairs.

Nice job on calling her out KD! It's about time someone exposed her for her "bitchy demeanor and shitty anti-student practices." If only she could take a fucking hint and be professional like us sons a bitches.


RH Out!


*These may not be Mr. Grover's middle names, but I think they make him sound more dignified. You're welcome Grov Stove.

Paid Lazy Worker Days

Nathan Johnson with the UWM Liberal Commie Rag wrote an editorial about Paid Sick Days recently. More like paid lazy ass worker days if you ask me. Let's see what he has to say:

Imagine yourself as a single working mother living paycheck to paycheck, and
then your child becomes sick.

I'm a guy Nathan, I don't know what it's like to be a woman. Strike 1 against your argument.

Such provisions are perfectly rational and humane. If somebody is sick, you
wouldn’t want them coming to work and making everybody else sick, reducing
overall productivity and causing unnecessary trouble for coworkers and clients.

Wrong again! I have stock in pharmaceutical companies. The more sick people, the more I get in dividends. Let's be more creative about this. I often look to the Bible for solutions and I think I've found one. In the olden days they had leper colonies. We could simply have a sick wing where the unclean (as they will be known) must work until they are clean.

Millionaires not only don’t have to go to work when they are sick, they
don’t have to work at all if they don’t want to. The working class, though,
certainly don’t have this luxury.

Millionaires don't have to work because they've already worked so hard that they shouldn't have to! Duh! I think it's the millionaires that don't have the luxury of being like the lazy working class. What, do you think millionaires just happened to be born and all of a sudden have a ton of money? I don't even know what you'd call that! The point is, millionaires have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and offer society a great example of what to be like (see television for more on this). The other point, Strike 3, you're outta here!

RH Out!

Dangerous Proximity

Jan Peter Balkenende, Prime Minister of the Netherlands (formerly Dutchland), has been plotting against the United States. A recent Wikipedia search tells me that Balkenende has been plotting since the 1500's to take over America. Did you know that Aruba and the Netherlands Antilles are associated with the Netherlands!? I know! Me neither!

Amerigo Vespucci (translation: America the Great) found Aruba uninhabitated in 1499 and meant for America to have it. Ever since then it's been an operating base for anti-American Netherlandian hatred.

Keep a vigilante watch all of you on America's divine borders!

RH Out!

Dutch/Obama Conspiracy

After my last post, everything just came together with a quick google search. The search found this article: Dutch support for Obama grows
How deep does the Dutch conspiracy to support "Bussein" go? Only my assumptions and speculation can tell. Stay tuned!

RH Out!

Nagged by the Hague

The Christian Science Monitor reports that the Dutch are angry about President Bush's brilliant legislation to protect our troops from disgusting "international laws." I'm glad a good Christian publication could help us identify the enemies within (namely Barack Hussein Obama). B. Hussein Obama, or "Bussein" as his friends call him, might take away our right to unilaterally invade the Hague to free our soldiers from a fair trial under international law. LKFJEWIKRNFC KGFdj@ :!$JRT$%#)Uge3w2 54rtfedg4350tgbc

Sorry, I get so upset sometimes my body just spasms.

The Dutch need to learn to keep their international justice where it belongs, Dutchland.

RH Out!