Where Are They Now?

It’s been a while since I posted here folks. I’ve been busy Tea Partyin’ since ’09 and I haven’t had time for much else. I see my cousin has been slacking on the

I’m sure you’ve all noticed that our great Governor Walker has been kickin’ ass and taking names, but I’m guessing you’re wondering, “How can one man do so much?” Well he can’t. Fact is that he’s been getting help from some old colleagues of my main man over at PTL. So what are these old SAers up to these days?

Daniel V. Bahr: Still masquerading as a Democrat while thickening his accent.

AJ Piwarun: Gettin’ some Va-Jay on the side.

Kyle Duerstein: Recently started the now powerful Wisconsin mayonnaise lobby.

Robert Grover: Has latched on to the Democratic/union protests with his own agenda, consistently holds signs at the Capitol building in favor of breast milk pasteurization.

Joe Ohler: Testing his homemade makeup concoctions on the caged animals in his basement…still. Opposing Scott Walker for not rounding up union members in reeducation camps…when he’s not busy video blogging.

Jay Burseth: Livin’ the dream in his Bruce Springsteen cover band.

Tobin Hubregeljfastke: Masturbating fiercely to ever Walker press release.

It's good to see everyone so productive in their post-college endeavors, except for Kyle. He's impressively taken on lobbying while struggling to continue his college career indefinitely. More power to you KD!

Heidrich Union Bust!

The Internet is Awesome!

This is just great!

Lame Stream Media swindlers The Onion think they know a thing or two about HOW TO RUN A GOVERNMENT. Well, I'd like to see them try. No doubt, I got a chuckle when they tore that hippie Zahorik a new one. But then they did the unthinkable. Or, in the case of the lame streamers, the totally predictable: they picked on the Duer. Those stupid communist nazis hate the Duer. But no, patriots, don't cry for Kyle. He can take it. Afterall, it's not him that they are truly afraid of. It's you. All of you. Because you are ready to take back our country. Take it back from that black guy and give it back to a white guy.

And so, to spite The Onion, The Duer and I will be travel-blogging next week on our SA-funded trip to New York City. While there, we will express our anger a la Zahorik by re-claiming the civil rights movement. You might think we are just protesting the site of the "Ground Zero Mosque," but you would be wrong, Patriots.

No, no, no. Not because I believe in freedom of religion.
Puh-lease!
There is only one prophet for me, and he profits from gold endorsements!

No, friends, I am plagued by a burning question: Why there?

Why there?

Why there?

Why there?

And so this trip is more of a pilgrimage than anything else. Yes, a holy pilgrimage. The Duer and I will find out why an abandoned Burlington Coat Factory, that holiest of holy places, was chosen as the site for a new building. Because I don't know. I don't know "why there." Don't get me wrong, I support their right to build there, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Or understand it.

But here's what I'm really thinking, Patriots. If enough of us gather at the Burlington Coat Factory, on the anniversary of their last Labor Day weekend sale, at the exact same location, we can re-claim the entire coat factory movement. Afterall, we wear coats. New Yorkers don't "own" the coat movement or Burlington Coat Factory.

And maybe, just maybe, the Duer and I can use our combined powers to convince the Mosque builders to abandon their plans for building there. Even if they just moved it a few blocks away, we could return to Milwaukee and breath a sigh of relief.

Three Legends Unretire; One to Retire

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, Patriots.

I've been yachting in the pristine waters of the Gulf of Mexico, where I have been busy removing Obama's boot from the throat of BP.

I should never have abandoned you to the Lame Stream Media. I apologize.

I am back, and I am ready to cut through the unfair and the unbalanced and deliver the straight jive.

First things first, we need to bid farewell to a white legend. American white hero Dr. Laura Schlessinger will be leaving her white radio show at the end of the year. And all over something as minor as using racial epithets and advising African-Americans not to marry outside of their race. She was just trying to make a white philosophical point.

Future white Prez Palin has it right. She advises Dr. S to "re-load!"
Whenever someone questions your dedication to racial equality, RE-LOAD.

Thanks, Sarah, your input is always welcome around here, but I think the Doc could learn a lesson or two from our own Kyle Duerstein. The Duer didn't resign any of his posts, even when people found out that he thinks black people should be slaves. So, what I'm saying is Dr. Laura Schlessinger, don't bow down to this obvious case of racism in reverse! Just because you are white doesn't mean you should have to give up your radio show! Imus, Duer, and Shlessinger Unite! FTW!

Jeez, all this talk about race makes me want to go rent some Mel Gibson movies.

Which brings us to our unretirement parties:



First and foremost, of course, is Chancellor Carlos Santiago. After six years of not being seen around UWM, Santiago has un-retired, only to sign with another team!!

To the Chancellor, I say this: I don't care of you play or don't play, but make up your mind. This back and forth stuff is so immature. I admit, Santiago is one my favorite Chancellors in the whole league, and it pains me to think he will be pepper spraying the faces of non-UWM students. Lebron in Miami? Santiago in D.C.? WTF? The game ain't what it used to be.

Second, we have that one guy who is a turncoat on account of our team trading him to a different one. Good luck, Brent. Thanks for kicking our ass last year, Brent. You look nice in purple, Brent.

Third, but not last in importance: oh hellz yeah, THE DUER IS BACK. And for all you naysayers who said, "He's too old" and "He doesn't have it in him anymore" and "Certainly he can graduate in seven years," I say this: YOU ARE ALL WRONG WRONG WRONGLIDDY WRONG.



He's back and better than ever. The "Kyle's a racist" movement has died out (great dedication, hippies!), and PTL is back and better than ever. And this time there's a twist. The Duer is taking on the SA. That's right, the Duer is playing the role of Obi Wan in this one. When he left the SA was the apprentice. Now the SA is the master! Only a master of evil!

Who better to critique the Student Association's by-laws, than the former Speaker who so excelled at writing and exploiting them? Who better to think quorum should be higher than the guy who sat in tiny decision-making bodies for so many years?

The Duer doesn't need my advice. The Duer knows how to handle himself.
But to new hippie President Romero Boeck (obviously no relation to Glenn), I do say this: even if you put up good numbers, you'll never fill the shoes of the Duer. The Duer's record for consecutive SA meetings will never be broken. The crowd may cheer you on, and they may boo the Duer when he returns to the UWM union, only to beat you in your own stadium. But deep down, they'll always know that the Duer is one of the all-time greats. And when he finally does graduate, UWM will be talking about him for years. YEARS.

Kyle's pen graduates as part of Class of '10?

The SA election results are in, and it's worse than we'd feared.

I searched far and wide, but I couldn't find The Duer's name anywhere. Does this mean that he has finally hung up his pen? That his only weapon against socialist tyranny will be the blogosphere?

Capitalism is under attack, and we need The Duer more now than at any other time in the last seven years.

Kyle, if you're just waiting for an invitation, consider it issued.

If you're just waiting for your legions of fans to chant "Kie - ull! Kie - ull!" before you come back on for your third encore, consider the chant underway!!

Kyle, you are being drafted.
The free market needs you.

Grab Old Glory.

And don't forget that pen.

Jay Burseth Grew a Testicle?

You've got to see this! The headline of that article reads "BREAKING NEWS: Student government elections cancelled" when it should really "Jay Burseth Finally Grew a Testicle."

I'm not in the habit of reading news articles, but I think assumptions are just as good as reading. Since Jay Burseth is the president of the Student Association, he must have finally figured out how things round around the SA and cancelled the election in an effort to maintain control.

Master stroke Burseth.

I never thought Jay had it in him to manhandle the student body like it so deserves. Apparently Kyle Duerstein's persistance has paid off and Jay finally sees the light. The few liberals remaining in the govt. might organize a drum circle to protest Burseth's pragmatic move, but they will ultimately tire, realizing they have little rhythm and a lot of papers to finish.

Congratulations Burseth. You are now entitled to at least two more years of an undergraduate career, which previously could have been cut drastically short by graduation.

There is a god

Sure, you already knew that, but I can prove it. I'm typing naked at my laptop in a full sweat. I was just about to check out some sweet Jeff Dunham clips because we basically have the same sense of humor, when I got a head rush and blacked out.

All I know is that when I came to I was sprawled out on the floor, my chair tipped over, and I seem to have eaten all of my butterscotch candies sitting next to my computer desk. That's when I noticed a new post on PTJ. If you haven't read it yet, scroll down and see what just happened.

I will be your vessel (or vassal) any time Kyle. I am proud to serve.

Heidrich possessed!

BATMAN.

Like Batman answering the bat signal, all you have to do is call on The Duer to take our country back, and he's on the case, with lightning speed!

Controversial voice vote at March 9 SA Senate meeting from The UWM Post on Vimeo.

Done, done, and done. The country is safely back in our hands! Whoo hoo!