The Time of My Life

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Obamacare and a Bull Moose

I was struck by something in Barack Obama's speech the other night. It was this line:

It has now been nearly a century since Theodore Roosevelt first called for health care reform. And ever since, nearly every President and Congress, whether Democrat or Republican, has attempted to meet this challenge in some way.

Now what if Sarah Palin was alive at the time of Roosevelt's life? At a campaign stop in a city since known for its extreme tolerance, Theodore Roosevelt walked up to a stage to give a speech in his presidential bid. Roosevelt was shot by a local saloon owner. Now what is a real man to do in this situation? Give a speech god damnit! Roosevelt opened a 90-minute speech with:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot; but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose."

Now this is what we can all expect from a real man like Teddy Roosevelt because he was a Republican. We know Republican stands for heterosexual Christian men and has never changed since the days of Lincoln.

As much as Roosevelt represented the ideal Republican who takes an assassintation attempt in stride, I can't help but think this was a missed opportunity. If we had a time machine we could send ole Sarah Barracuda with a rifle and a helicopter to take down that Bull Moose. She might need armor piercing bullets to get through his manly chest, but in doing so she will preemptively take down Obama's evidence that Republicans ever supported giving healthcare to American citizens. God I love preemptive war.

Well, we can all dream I guess. I'm with Ann Coulter on this though. We could've stopped another Roosevelt to prevent his socialist/fascist/somethingelseist New Deal from giving people Social Security 'n shit. Stupid fucking Al Franken.

Heidrich Preemptive!